"Did you leap high?"
![]() |
NOT ME doing a Grande jete. This is my favorite Carolina Ballet Principal ballerina Margaret Severin-Hansen, an actual professional doing a proper leap. :) |
At my wedding, my Dad walked me down the aisle. When it was time to officially "give me away" he whispered in my ear, "Leap high." It was exactly the right thing to say.
Years later, that careless sense of leaping has been replaced by complete fear of the unknown, of where I may land if I were to jump, of falling when I hit the ground. Adulthood and motherhood have broken me down and have brought my anxiety to the forefront of a lot of decisions, because safety and security just make more sense when you have three kids.
However, when my Nana died a year and a half ago, my world seemed to fall apart and a lot has changed inside of me since then. I don't think I fully grasped what it would be like not to have her in my life after 34 years. I was very depressed, struggling every day to get it together. Slowly I began to question a lot of things in my life. I thought more about what made me the way I was, what I wanted to improve on, how deeply my sense of self worth was broken and why that was, not having experienced anything that could lead to that. Working through a lot of these issues sort of rocked my world. I started to become angry at myself for being so scared all the time. Scared of failure, scared of what other people think of me. I don't want my girls to live with that fear, but if I am their example, how can they not pick up on it?
So, that brings me to the here and now. After almost a year of soul searching, prayer, agony, fear, tears, hope, and more agony, I am leaping. I am taking a big jump for the first time in a long time into the unknown. I am leaving a job that I have had for 10 years and I am going out on my own. I am leaving a place that gave me my first job out of PT school, with a boss who taught me how to be a good PT and allowed me to pursue my dreams of practicing pelvic health. Leaving the place that let me have three babies and work when I could, always giving me support and never judging me for choosing motherhood as my top priority. A place where I could decorate my room with plants and pictures and even a pretty little needlepoint vulva that my best friend gave me for Christmas. (Sidenote: That's true love right there by the way. Stitching your friend a pretty vulva for her clinic room = love.)

So here I go. I'm leaping I hope I still have just enough grace to land on my feet. But I am realizing that even if I fall, I'll be okay. I can get up and keep dancing.
Stay tuned for more information on Fayetteville Pelvic Health - coming soon in May!!