I'm not sure what day it is but I know that can't be a good thing.

Motherhood. The most maddening, exhausting, often thankless but also the most incredible, gratifying, joyful job in the whole world. And it can go from one extreme to the other in a matter of seconds. This rollercoaster ride is exhausting even on a good day and it doesn't take long to learn that just with every new phase comes new challenges and rewards. It never ends. It's a burden that never lets up. There are no vacation days and even if you do get a "break," you are never fully removed from your duties because it's impossible to turn off that part of your brain and your heart.

I know that I don't speak for everyone when I describe the ups and downs of motherhood, but I also know that if any of my closest friends read the above statements they'd agree. Which means there's probably a lot of women who feel this way about being a mom. And if a chunk of us can acknowlege the incredible challenges of motherhood, why do we continue to add the burdens of perfection to our plates? It's heavy enough just trying to do the mininum. Most of us want to do better than the bare minimum as mothers but it's really hard. Society pressures us to do more, be better, curl our hair, put on makeup, bake for the bake sale, be on all the committees, do it all. It's too much. At least for some of us who already deal with mental health issues like anxiety and depression and fear and constant worry.

I had a crazy week last week and it was obvious that I wasn't handling the stress of life all that well. I spent Tuesday thinking it was Wednesday, Wednesday thinking it was Thursday, and then Saturday I got the time of a work talk mixed up and was late. This is not okay when you are a new business in town trying to make a good impression. Of course, all of these things were my own fault. I could, for instance, have just pointed my eyeballs onto my phone to see what day it was and certainly could have double and triple checked the time of my event on Saturday.

But look, I don't think our mom brains are designed to be this busy, have this many pressures on us. Today, we are expected to work (many of us full time), be the best Pinterest mom out there, look put together, act put together, get kids to 1 million activities on time with the right snacks, join the right clubs or church or boards. It's too much. Social media is too much. It's all just too much. How is this okay? How is okay to have a brain so cluttered with information and worries that you literally don't know what day it is for TWO FULL DAYS.

Now, I need to say that I realize this is not everyone. Not everyone struggles with anxiety and has a hard time functioning on overdrive. I know many incredible women and mothers who are their best selves when they are going full throttle all the time. Moms who crave that instead of recoil from it. For me, that breaks me down. I crave silence, peace, solitude in order to recharge my batteries. That's why this past week was such a signal to me to slow it down.

I spend several minutes in my birth classes telling my mommas that they have to allow their bodies to heal after childbirth. That it takes over a year for our bodies to heal from pregnancy and birth, often longer since we end up having to go back to work so quickly despite lack of sleep, continued tissue trauma, pain, etc. I'm very good at telling other moms to give themselves grace. I tell them to be kind to themselves, to allow themselves to be imperfect. Yet here I am, late for an important event because I've allowed myself to be overwhelmed. I've allowed myself to say yes to everything in an effort to please everyone. The result is that no one gets my best self. Not my clients, not my husband, not my kids, not me.

This is not sustainable. I can't be everything to every person. It's true, I just started a business and that is important. My friends are important. My church and my kids' school is important. But for this season, I'm supposed to be a mother. My number one priority changed when my son was born, and sometimes I have to remember that it's okay to say no, to set boundaries, to walk through Harris Teeter without makeup if it means I was able to quiet the chaos of my mind for a bit so I can be a better mom and wife.

I have decided already that my New Year's resolution for 2020 is going to be setting more intentional goals for each week as well as boundaries for what we as a family can commit to. I know it won't be easy, but I know that I have to practice what I preach for the good of my kids and my family. It means quieting my anxiety-ridden brain so that I can be a better PT for my patients who need that from me. It means being a better friend when my village needs me. It means saying yes to myself and motherhood and no to some of the noise. We'll see how it goes. Just remember, none of us know what another mom is going through, how she feels inside. We are very good at faking it. We are great at pretending to have it together, when sometimes it becomes obvious that we don't. Sometimes our friend has to text us to tell us what day it is, and that's when you know you need to regroup and reset your priorities. At least, for me that's a telltale sign.

Fayetteville Pelvic Health & Wellness
Lacy Kells PT, DPT
Owner

lacykells@fayettevillepelvichealth.com
910-309-3726


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